After being raped even if you do not open a Police case you should:

• Get forensic evidence collected within 24 hours and no later than 72 hours afterwards
• Get anti-retrovirals and emergency contraception within 72 hours (ARVs are free to rape victims at Government hospitals)
• Get antibiotic medication to prevent sexually transmitted infections
• Get counselling from a person trained in rape trauma counselling it is never too late.

This is the usual procedure:

• A medical examination by a District Surgeon involves collecting forensic evidence, blood tests and pregnancy testing. Extra blood samples for HIV and STDs are taken for testing. Medication is given.
• A crime kit and paperwork for Court (required by law) is completed.
• If available, underwear and/or clothing are given to Police for DNA identification and evidence.
• The crime kit, any evidence and the District Surgeons report are handed to the investigating officer, and the Police take the victim home.

It is necessary for people to deal with the trauma in order to start healing. But it is very hard to face hidden secrets. Talking about what happened remains fundamental to coping and starting to heal. The best way to get rid of a feeling is to feel it fully, which is why it is important to receive counselling as soon as possible. The effects of rape are long-term, and rape survivors never forget being raped, but they can learn to deal with the memory. Counselling for their families is also important, because of the ripple effects of trauma.

How to Help
How to help someone who has been raped or sexually abused: If you want to help someone who has been raped, first remember that healing can take a long time. It is terrible to see someone in such pain, but dont rush them. If you are in a rush for the survivor to get better, the survivor may start to feel guilty and start to hide his/her feelings from you so that you feel better.

Here are some tips on how to help:
DO:

• Let the survivor make their own decisions the survivor has experienced a situation where control has been forcefully taken away from them. Making their own decisions allows them to start feeling control of their life again. Even if you think the decisions they are making are wrong, dont force them to do what you think is best. Rather, encourage them to regain their sense of control and to get therapy.
• Get help immediately if the survivor is suicidal.
• Believe the survivor even if they doubt themselves, believe it. People very rarely make up stories of abuse and as they are opening up about what happened, the pain they having to feel and face is so great that they might sometimes want to believe that it did not happen. This is part of the process of healing.
• Validate their feelings anger, pain, fear, etc. These are natural, healthy responses. They need to feel them, express them and be heard.
• Let the survivor talk as much or as little as they want to. LISTEN! Let the survivor know that you are open to hearing anything they may wish to share. Let the survivor take their time. It might not be easy for them to start talking about an event that they have kept silent about. The survivor might never want to talk to you about it. Respect their feelings and decisions. Recognise the courage it takes for a survivor to speak to anyone about it. It takes a great deal of courage to face up to fears and also to talk about any sexual experience, especially sexual abuse.
• Validate the damage join with the survivor in validating the damage and be clear that abuse is never the survivors fault. No-one asks to be abused and the blame lies with the abuser only with the abuser.
• Give 100% loyalty society and other people are going to say some things that will really hurt the survivor. The survivor needs your absolute loyalty.

Give the survivor time respect the time and space it takes to heal, and encourage the survivor to get support. It can be difficult to have the patience to let someone heal at their own pace, but remember that the survivor can only do it at a pace she/he can handle, and that can be very slow at times. Try to understand their perspective. Accept that there will very likely be major changes in your relationship with the survivor as they heal. Respect their need to go through stages in the healing process. If the survivor feels like crying, let them, it can be part of their healing process.

Let the survivor know how you feel dont hide your feelings. What you hear may shock, scare or hurt you, but let the survivor know that it is okay to feel they way they do, even though it may hurt your feelings. Try not to be scared of your emotions. You will be able to concentrate on helping the survivor more once you understand your own reactions.
Phone a help line if you are feeling worried or are not sure of what to do or if you just need to talk to someone you may also need support. Get help for yourself from someone. You dont need to go through this alone either.

DONT:

• Dont judge the survivor this will make them feel they cant trust you.
• Dont make the survivor support you although it is good for you to share your feelings with them, it is important that you dont make them feel that they must help you to feel better they need to concentrate on making themselves feel better.
• Dont tell the survivor to get over it
• Dont tell the survivor that its not that bad
• Dont tell other people unless the survivor has given you permission.
• Dont see the survivor as a victim continue to see the survivor as a strong, courageous person who is reclaiming their own life.

DONT BLAME THE SURVIVOR FOR WHAT HAPPENED no-one aks to be abused and the blame lies with the abuser only with the abuser.

REMEMBER THAT EACH SURVIVOR IS UNIQUE AND THEIR HEALING PROCESS WILL BE UNIQUE.

REMEMBER: THE BEST WAY TO GET RID OF A FEELING IS TO FEEL IT FULLY!

Men can also be raped. Male rape is more violent and often involves more than one perpetrator. If a man is raped, it does not mean that he is gay. Neither does it mean that the perpetrator is gay. Rape is about control, hatred, violence and power not sex. Male rape, just as with female rape, is a crime committed to control and overpower the victim through violence or the threat of violence. Men who have been raped are not weak or feminine, they are simply victims of crime. They are not at fault and have done nothing to deserve the rape, nor have they caused the rape.

RAPE TRAUMA SYNDROME
This is a recognised response to rape and sexual abuse and it includes a variety of problems, some of them long-term. Symptoms are similar to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Although many rape survivors suffer from the symptoms of Rape Trauma Syndrome, not all survivors respond to rape in the same way. It is important to treat each rape survivor as an individual and to try and understand what the rape means to that particular person.  Coping with being raped may also be more difficult if family, friends and colleagues are not supportive and/or blame the survivor.

After the shock has passed, some survivors try to act as if nothing has happened. This is their way of trying to block out the rape, because they feel they want to be able to cope if they let themselves remember what happened to them. However, if rape survivors are going to recover well from the impact of a rape, they must allow themselves to remember the rape and feel whatever it is they are feeling inside. When they do start remembering and feeling, they will also start suffering from symptoms, but these usually improve over time.

It often helps a survivor to have counselling if they are experiencing upsetting symptoms. The effects of rape are long-term. Rape survivors never forget being raped, but many learn how to deal with the memory.

Sadly, South Africa holds the record for the highest number of rapes world-wide. Interpol estimates that over 1 milllion women are raped each year in South Africa.